Hormones of Olympic Athletes: Are "Anti-Sex" Beds Installed at the 2024 Paris Olympics?

The 2024 Paris Olympics are kicking off on July 26th, and honestly, the Olympics have become less of a sports competition and more of an international showdown to see who can flex the hardest. It’s like a global version of “who’s got the bigger... medals,” if you catch my drift.

Since World War II, countries haven’t been duking it out with armies, so the Olympics became the next best thing. The Soviet Union flexed on the “decadent West,” and the British finally found something other than football to beat the Germans at (and thank God for that, because no one likes penalties).

Countries drop billions on the games, and while they throw around words like “inspiring the next generation” or “promoting international unity,” we all know the real reason: It’s all about one-upping your rivals on the medal table. Friendship? Pfft. It’s all about bragging rights. Let's be real.

Hi everyone, this is Rainbow Desires, and today we’re talking about the Olympics and... hormones. Buckle up.

Testosterone Carnival

Let’s get one thing straight. The Olympics aren’t just about breaking records and winning gold. Oh no, it’s also about raging hormones. Imagine this: Thousands of the world’s fittest, most energetic young people thrown together in one village. Now imagine what happens when all that pent-up testosterone and adrenaline start simmering. Hint: It’s not just on the track that things are getting heated.

"Athletes are extreme. I’ve seen people having sex in public... on the grass, between buildings... people were doing dirty things."
— Hope Solo, U.S. soccer player

The Olympic Village is like a wild, hormonal wonderland. It’s closed off to the public, so athletes are safe from nosy reporters and helicopter parents. For many of them, it’s the first time they’ve had this much freedom. It’s like summer camp—if summer camp had an unlimited buffet, a 24-hour gym, and the hottest people on the planet.

The gym, by the way, is the only place where people are working out less and flirting more. It’s like a dating app came to life.

"We would sit and eat, watching all the hotties walk by, wondering, 'Why did I ever get married?'"
— Julie Foudy, U.S. soccer player

And since 1988, the Olympics have also been handing out free condoms like they’re party favors. It started as an effort to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS, but now it’s just part of the package—pun intended.

Back in 2000 at the Sydney Olympics, they handed out 70,000 condoms. Within the first week, they had to order 20,000 more because, well... athletes are overachievers. The 2016 Rio Games took it to the next level with 450,000 condoms—yes, that’s 42 per athlete. And that’s not even counting the extra supplies some teams brought for themselves. Talk about preparation.

Paris Olympic athletes are prepared with more than 220k condoms

Even dating apps can’t handle the Olympic frenzy. Grindr crashed in London in 2012 after athletes started arriving, and in 2021, Tinder saw a surge in users paying for premium features just so they could change their location to the Olympic Village. Gotta love the dedication.

Olympic Scandal?

So, what’s up with this year’s games? Paris has its fair share of hiccups (like refusing to provide air conditioning because of “environmental reasons” and failing to clean up the Seine River), but the real headline? “Anti-sex beds.” Yup, you heard that right. The rumor is that these beds, made of cardboard and polyethylene, were designed to collapse during any, uh, vigorous activities. They’re also reportedly too small for any Olympic-level partying.

Abstract "Anti-Sex" Bed

Is France being extra conservative this year? Are they trying to enforce a new kind of abstinence-only Olympics?

Honestly, it’s probably fake news. The organizers didn’t ban sex. In fact, rumor has it that the condom vending machines are fully stocked and ready to go. The beds were custom-made by a Japanese company called Airweave, and they’re probably just small because they were designed for, say, a 50-kg boxer, not a 7-foot basketball player.

The real reason for the cardboard beds? Sustainability. Yup, the organizers want to keep the games eco-friendly, and these beds are fully recyclable. After the Games, the bed frames are going to be donated to hotel management schools, the Paris Opera Ballet School, and the military. Because, obviously, nothing says “luxury” like a used cardboard bed from the Olympics.

Imagine sailing on this tiny boat

Look, I’m all for saving the planet, but I’m also pretty sure that the next month will still be the wildest hormone-fueled party on Earth. Cardboard beds or not.

So, what do you think? Drop a comment and let me know your wildest Olympic theories!